She
had just that amount of self-possession which conceals without
conquering the sweet timidity of woman. Her voice was low, yet clear;
and her mild eyes, I found, were capable, on occasion, of both flashing
and melting. Why describe her? I loved her before I knew it; but, with
the consciousness of my love, that clairvoyant sense on which I had
learned to depend failed for the first time. Did she love me? When I
sought to answer the question in her presence, all was confusion within.
This was not the only new influence which entered into and increased the
tumult of my mind. The other half of my two-sided nature--the cool,
reflective, investigating faculty--had been gradually ripening, and the
questions which it now began to present seriously disturbed the
complacency of my theories. I saw that I had accepted many things on
very unsatisfactory evidence; but, on the other hand, there was much for
which I could find no other explanation. Let me be frank, and say, that
I do not now pretend to explain all the phenomena of Spiritualism. This,
however, I determined to do,--to ascertain, if possible, whether the
influences which governed me in the trance state came from the persons
around, from the exercise of some independent faculty of my own mind, or
really and truly from the spirits of the dead.
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