But the departure of
Amroth swept away once and for all the sense of security. One felt of
the earthly life, indeed, as a busy man may think of a troublesome visit
he has to pay, which breaks across the normal current of his life, while
he anticipates with pleasure his return to the usual activities of home
across the interval of social distraction, which he does not exactly
desire, but yet is glad that it should intervene, if only for the
heightened sense of delight with which he will resume his real life. I
had been happy in heaven, though with periods of discontent and moments
of dismay. But I no longer desired a dreamful ease; I only wished
passionately to be employed. And now I saw that I must resign all
expectation of that. As so often happens, both on earth and in heaven, I
had found something of which I was not in search, while the work which I
had estimated so highly, and prepared myself so ardently for, had never
been given to me to do at all.
But for the moment I had but one single thought. I was to see Cynthia
again, and I might then expect my own summons to return to life. What
surprised me, on looking back at my present sojourn, was the extreme
apparent fortuitousness of it.
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