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"From John O'Groats to Land's End"

This spread consternation throughout the band, and one of the
younger members went to the conductor saying, "A polka! A polka! I say,
Jim, what's that?" "Oh," replied the conductor, "number three played
quick!" Now number three was a quickstep named after Havelock the famous
English General in India, so "Havelock's March played quick" had to do
duty for a polka; but the only man who could play it quickly was the
conductor himself, who after the words, "Ready, chaps!" and the usual
signal "One-two-three," dashed off at an unusual speed, the performers
following as rapidly as they could, the Bombardon and the Double B, the
biggest instruments, finishing last with a most awful groan, after which
the conductor, who couldn't stop laughing when once he started, was
found rolling on the lawn in a kind of convulsion. It took them some
time to recover their equilibrium, during which the Hall door remained
open, and a portion of the band had already begun to move away in
despair, when they were called back by the old butler appearing at the
Hall door with a silver tray in his hand. The collector's services were
again requisitioned, and he returned with the magnificent sum of one
shilling! As most of the farmers had given five shillings and the
remainder half a crown, the squire's reputation for generosity had been
fully maintained.


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