Impertinence.- Your diddler is impertinent. He swaggers. He sets his
arms a-kimbo. He thrusts. his hands in his trowsers' pockets. He
sneers in your face. He treads on your corns. He eats your dinner,
he drinks your wine, he borrows your money, he pulls your nose, he
kicks your poodle, and he kisses your wife.
Grin:- Your true diddler winds up all with a grin. But this nobody
sees but himself. He grins when his daily work is done- when his
allotted labors are accomplished- at night in his own closet, and
altogether for his own private entertainment. He goes home. He locks
his door. He divests himself of his clothes. He puts out his candle.
He gets into bed. He places his head upon the pillow. All this done,
and your diddler grins. This is no hypothesis. It is a matter of
course. I reason a priori, and a diddle would be no diddle without a
grin.
The origin of the diddle is referrable to the infancy of the Human
Race. Perhaps the first diddler was Adam. At all events, we can
trace the science back to a very remote period of antiquity. The
moderns, however, have brought it to a perfection never dreamed of
by our thick-headed progenitors. Without pausing to speak of the
"old saws," therefore, I shall content myself with a compendious
account of some of the more "modern instances."
A very good diddle is this. A housekeeper in want of a sofa, for
instance, is seen to go in and out of several cabinet warehouses.
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