See, now, I will put myself in the place
I deserve to occupy--in the dust at your feet! You may trample on
me, if you will. I say I have deserved the shame and the misery I am
now suffering. I deserve them because I have no right to resent the-
-the--the proposals which you--wish to make to me. I have suffered
much from calumny and evil tongues--much from unhappy circumstances
and evil surroundings. Yet it may be that I-have--more right to--
resent--what--I have heard from you than you imagine. But let that
pass. You know--or think you know--that I have accepted from others
that which I have said I cannot accept from you; and you cannot
imagine why this should be so. Oh, Marchese, does your heart lend
you no aid to the understanding of it? What were those men,--those
empty creatures whose gold could not repay the disgust occasioned by
their presence, what were they to me? Did they love--pretend even to
love--me? Did I love them? Love! Alas, alas, alas! Ah, Marchese, a
poor girl exposed to the world, as I have been from my cradle
upwards, has to suffer much that might well move the pity of a
generous heart; but it is nothing--nothing--nothing to the tragedy
of the misery, the shame, the remorse that comes upon her when at
last the day shall come that her heart speaks and shows to her the
awful chasm--the immeasurable gulf that separates such--I cannot,
Lamber--pardon, I don't know what I am saying; I cannot go on--I
cannot put it into words! Do not you--cannot you understand the
difference?"
"I do understand, Bianca mia; povera anima sofferente--I do
understand.
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