What would they say? those who pretended to be interested in my
welfare and happiness, when they found I had gone to a new home among
new faces and strange hearts, would they miss me? Would they wish me
back? or would they soon forget me amid the other gay distractions of
their daily lives?
Should I let them know that I was to leave so soon for an indefinite
length of time? If they were anxious about me they could come and find
it out; but they had come after the funeral and I would not see them;
how could they tell I wanted them now? It was the penalty of my former
indifference that I must need sympathy and consolation when they had
both passed out of my reach.
What a dreary, endless thing life seemed at this period!
A sort of lethargy had taken firm hold of all my senses. I went about
like one dreaming, sighing and weeping, and wishing I were dead. My
heart lay like a heavy stone within my breast, and a dark impenetrable
gloom seemed to have shut out all the brightness of life from my eyes
forever.
It was dreary Autumn weather besides, and that fed my morbid
tendencies considerably, the wind was plaintive and the leaves were
dying, the very sunshine looked pale and cold.
A few days after my reply to cousin Bessie's generous offer I received
a second letter from her which was earnest and loving, and gentle as
the first. She expressed great delight at my decision and ensured me
the heartiest of welcomes on my arrival.
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