This, then was the result of
their secret conferences, to get rid of me! It was not a difficult
task, if they only knew it, for my pride would fight more than half
their battles for them, and carry me anywhere, to the farthermost
corner of the earth, rather than see me trespass upon their privacy or
interfere with their selfish plans. I was their toy, their tool, they
were not honest enough to challenge me in fair and open combat, they
plotted without me, and behind my back, I would not buckle on my
sword, for so unworthy an engagement, no matter what the issue cost
me. I would let them carry the day. It is the only kind of triumph
designing heroes ever know, and we who are above the cowards'
subterfuge, can well afford to give them this, we would not have it
said, we stood to meet them, lest it might be inferred, that we had
come down from the pedestal of our untarnished dignity, to their
inglorious level.
But these boisterous reflections soon became spent. I could not afford
to be quite so defiant, I, who was alone in the wide world? A serious
duty lay before me, the future, with its burden of uncertain sorrows
lay at my feet, the past was nothing to me now, but a receding vision
of happiness more secure than any I was ever likely to know again. I
must go in search of a home, where would I turn my eyes? North, South,
East or West? they were all strange alike to me? I thought of
Hortense, and my parting promise to her, but there was no comfort in
the remembrance of it now.
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