This is
tempting God, and you owe yourself the duty of satisfying every want
of your inner being. There is a why and a wherefore for everything,
therefore clear away the dark clouds that lie between you and Truth.
Study and read and reflect, until you can lay your hand in good faith
upon your heart, and say: Now I have found the consoling truth, now my
doubts have disappeared and my belief is made sure, and staunch, and
consoling. That religion which shall best purify you, whose motives
are entirely supernatural, which shall oblige you to exalt all
humanity over yourself, which shall infuse a holy motive into your
every thought, word and deed, which shall fill your life with a
purpose unlike any it has hitherto known, shall make you happy here
and hereafter--and if you like, you can find it with a little search."
We said no more on any subject. The afternoon was well-advanced
already, and bidding her a fond good-bye, I left her with a promise to
see her again before her departure for her much talked-of trip.
Leaving the Merivales' house, I wended my way in a moody silence
toward my own home. The wind was rising and small snowflakes were
drifting cheerlessly about in the raw wintry air. I bowed my head
against the storm and plodded silently on. I was thinking of many
things the while, and allowing myself to become absorbed in an earnest
rehearsal of my own prosy life. Other people passed by me with better
reasons to sigh I am sure, and yet mine was a deep-drawn breath, full
of meaning and misery, which I would have controlled had I not been so
distracted and absent-minded at the time.
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