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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"They and I"

Enter Adolphus. He
lights a cigarette; flings the match on the floor; with his hands in
his pockets paces up and down the room; kicks a footstool out of his
way.
"Tell me when I am to begin," says Elvira.
The mutual friend promises to give her the right cue.
Adolphus comes to a halt in the centre of the room.
"I am sorry, my dear," he says, "but there is something I must say to
you--something that may not be altogether pleasant for you to hear."
To which Elvira, still crocheting, replies, "Oh, indeed. And pray
what may that be?"
This was not Elvira's own idea. Springing from her chair, she had
got as far as: "Look here. If you have come home early merely for
the purpose of making a row--" before the mutual friend could stop
her. The mutual friend was firm. Only by exacting strict obedience
could he guarantee a successful issue. What she had got to say was,
"Oh, indeed. Etcetera." The mutual friend had need of all his tact
to prevent its becoming a quarrel of three.
Adolphus, allowed to proceed, explained that the subject about which
he wished to speak was the subject of dinner. The mutual friend this
time was beforehand. Elvira's retort to that was: "Dinner! You
complain of the dinners I provide for you?" enabling him to reply,
"Yes, madam, I do complain," and to give reasons. It seemed to
Elvira that the mutual friend had lost his senses. To tell her to
"wait"; that "her time would come"; of what use was that! Half of
what she wanted to say would be gone out of her head.


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