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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"They and I"

He says there will be no
place for the bed, and if there is to be a fireplace at all it will
have to be in the cupboard, and that the only way, so far as he can
see, of her getting in and out of it will be by a door through the
bathroom. She said that you said she could have it entirely to her
own idea, and that he was just to carry out her instructions; but, as
he points out, you can't have a room in a house as if the rest of the
house wasn't there, even if it is your own room. Nobody, it seems,
will be able to have a bath without first talking it over with her,
and arranging a time mutually convenient. I told him I was sure you
never meant him to do anything absurd; and that his best plan would
be to go straight back to her, explain to her that she'd been talking
like a silly goat--he could have put it politely, of course--and that
he wasn't going to pay any attention to her. You might have thought
I had suggested his walking into a den of lions and pulling all their
tails. I don't know what Robin has done to him, but he seems quite
frightened of her. I had to promise that I would talk to her. He'd
better have done it himself. I only told her just what he said, and
off she went in one of her tantrums. You know her style: If she
liked to live in a room where she could see to do her hair that was
no business of his, and if he couldn't design a plain, simple bedroom
that wasn't going to look ridiculous and make her the laughing-stock
of all the neighbourhood, then the Royal Institute of British
Architects must have strange notions of the sort of person entitled
to go about the country building houses; that if he thought the
proper place for a fire was in a cupboard, she didn't; that his duty
was to carry out the instructions of his employers, and if he
imagined for a moment she was going to consent to remain shut up in
her room till everybody in the house had finished bathing it would be
better for us to secure the services of somebody possessed of a
little commonsense; that next time she met him she would certainly
tell him what she thought of him, also that she should certainly
decline to hold any further communication with him again; that she
doesn't want a bedroom now of any sort--perhaps she may be permitted
a shakedown in the pantry, or perhaps Veronica will allow her an
occasional night's rest with her, and if not it doesn't matter.


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