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Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927

"They and I"

We will select for them
companions we feel sure will be the most suitable for them; and if
they don't like them--if Uncle William says he can't bear the girl we
have invited up to love him--that he positively hates her, we till
tell him that it is only his wilful temper, and that he's got to like
her because she's good for him; and don't let us have any of his
fretfulness. And if Grandmamma pouts and says she won't love old man
Jones merely because he's got a red nose, or a glass eye, or some
silly reason of that sort, we will say to her: 'All right, my lady,
you will play with Mr. Jones and be nice to him, or you will spend
the afternoon putting your room tidy; make up your mind.' We will
let them marry (on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons), and play at
keeping house. And if they quarrel we will shake them and take the
babies away from them, and lock them up in drawers, and tell them
they sha'n't have them again till they are good."
"And the more they try to be good, the more it will turn out that
they ain't been good," Veronica reflected.
"Their goodness and their badness will depend upon us in more senses
than one, Veronica," I explained. "When Consols are down, when the
east wind has touched up our liver, they will be surprised how bad
they are."
"And they mustn't ever forget what they've ever been once told,"
crowed Veronica. "We mustn't have to tell 'em the same thing over
and over again, like we was talking to brick walls.


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