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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Fantastic Fables"


"That is nothing," the Monkey said. And going to a bigger pine, he
rose by his own unaided exertions to the top branch, where he sat,
all bedaubed with the pitch which that vegetable exudes. "Now," he
added, "I am a self-made Monkey."

The Patriot and the Banker

A PATRIOT who had taken office poor and retired rich was introduced
at a bank where he desired to open an account.
"With pleasure," said the Honest Banker; "we shall be glad to do
business with you; but first you must make yourself an honest man
by restoring what you stole from the Government."
"Good heavens!" cried the Patriot; "if I do that, I shall have
nothing to deposit with you."
"I don't see that," the Honest Banker replied. "We are not the
whole American people."
"Ah, I understand," said the Patriot, musing. "At what sum do you
estimate this bank's proportion of the country's loss by me?"
"About a dollar," answered the Honest Banker.
And with a proud consciousness of serving his country wisely and
well he charged that sum to the account.


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