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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Fantastic Fables"

"
"Why, then, do you come, things being even when he had hurled me
back?"
"He wanted to be a little ahead."

Two of the Pious

A CHRISTIAN and a Heathen in His Blindness were disputing, when the
Christian, with that charming consideration which serves to
distinguish the truly pious from the wolves that perish, exclaimed:
"If I could have my way, I'd blow up all your gods with dynamite."
"And if I could have mine," retorted the Heathen in His Blindness,
bitterly malevolent but oleaginuously suave, "I'd fan all yours out
of the universe."

The Desperate Object

A DISHONEST Gain was driving in its luxurious carriage through its
private park, when it saw something which frantically and
repeatedly ran against a stone wall, endeavouring to butt out its
brains.
"Hold! Hold! thou desperate Object," cried the Dishonest Gain;
"these beautiful private grounds are no place for such work as
thine."
"True," said the Object, pausing; "I have other and better grounds
for it.


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