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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Fantastic Fables"

If that is what you
mean, please be good enough to take my life."
"That is not what I mean," said the Highwayman; "you cannot save
your money by giving up your life."
"Then take it, anyhow," the Traveller said. "If it will not save
my money, it is good for nothing."
The Highwayman was so pleased with the Traveller's philosophy and
wit that he took him into partnership, and this splendid
combination of talent started a newspaper.

The Policeman and the Citizen

A POLICEMAN, finding a man that had fallen in a fit, said, "This
man is drunk," and began beating him on the head with his club. A
passing Citizen said:
"Why do you murder a man that is already harmless?"
Thereupon the Policeman left the man in a fit and attacked the
Citizen, who, after receiving several severe contusions, ran away.
"Alas," said the Policeman, "why did I not attack the sober one
before exhausting myself upon the other?"
Thenceforward he pursued that plan, and by zeal and diligence rose
to be Chief, and sobriety is unknown in the region subject to his
sway.


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