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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Fantastic Fables"

A few moments later he entered
the hall, went upon the platform, and said it was the proudest
moment of his life. (Cheers.)

A Statesman

A STATESMAN who attended a meeting of a Chamber of Commerce rose to
speak, but was objected to on the ground that he had nothing to do
with commerce.
"Mr. Chairman," said an Aged Member, rising, "I conceive that the
objection is not well taken; the gentleman's connection with
commerce is close and intimate. He is a Commodity."

Two Dogs

THE Dog, as created, had a rigid tail, but after some centuries of
a cheerless existence, unappreciated by Man, who made him work for
his living, he implored the Creator to endow him with a wag. This
being done he was able to dissemble his resentment with a sign of
affection, and the earth was his and the fulness thereof.
Observing this, the Politician (an animal created later) petitioned
that a wag might be given him too. As he was incaudate it was
conferred upon his chin, which he now wags with great profit and
gratification except when he is at his meals.


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