"Why don't you come out on dry land?" said the Spectator. "What
are you in there for?"
"Sir," replied the Distinguished Advocate of Republican
Institutions, "a ship is expected, bearing His Majesty the King of
the Fly-Speck Islands, and I wish to be the first to grasp the
crowned hand."
"But," said the Spectator, "you said in your famous speech before
the Society for the Prevention of the Protrusion of Nail Heads from
Plank Sidewalks that Kings were blood-smeared oppressors and hell-
bound loafers."
"My dear sir," said the Distinguished Advocate of Republican
Institutions, without removing his eyes from the horizon, "you
wander away into the strangest irrelevancies! I spoke of Kings in
the abstract."
The Pugilist's Diet
THE Trainer of a Pugilist consulted a Physician regarding the
champion's diet.
"Beef-steaks are too tender," said the Physician; "have his meat
cut from the neck of a bull."
"I thought the steaks more digestible," the Trainer explained.
"That is very true," said the Physician; "but they do not
sufficiently exercise the chin.
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