He has swallowed my umbrella."
The Returned Californian
A MAN was hanged by the neck until he was dead.
"Whence do you come?" Saint Peter asked when the Man presented
himself at the gate of Heaven.
"From California," replied the applicant.
"Enter, my son, enter; you bring joyous tidings."
When the Man had vanished inside, Saint Peter took his memorandum-
tablet and made the following entry:
"February 16, 1893. California occupied by the Christians."
The Compassionate Physician
A KIND-HEARTED Physician sitting at the bedside of a patient
afflicted with an incurable and painful disease, heard a noise
behind him, and turning saw a cat laughing at the feeble efforts of
a wounded mouse to drag itself out of the room.
"You cruel beast!" cried he. "Why don't you kill it at once, like
a lady?"
Rising, he kicked the cat out of the door, and picking up the mouse
compassionately put it out of its misery by pulling off its head.
Recalled to the bedside by the moans of his patient, the Kind-
hearted Physician administered a stimulant, a tonic, and a
nutrient, and went away.
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