The Broom of the Temple
THE city of Gakwak being about to lose its character of capital of
the province of Ukwuk, the Wampog issued a proclamation convening
all the male residents in council in the Temple of Ul to devise
means of defence. The first speaker thought the best policy would
be to offer a fried jackass to the gods. The second suggested a
public procession, headed by the Wampog himself, bearing the Holy
Poker on a cushion of cloth-of-brass. Another thought that a
scarlet mole should be buried alive in the public park and a
suitable incantation chanted over the remains. The advice of the
fourth was that the columns of the capitol be rubbed with oil of
dog by a person having a moustache on the calf of his leg. When
all the others had spoken an Aged Man rose and said:
"High and mighty Wampog and fellow-citizens, I have listened
attentively to all the plans proposed. All seem wise, and I do not
suffer myself to doubt that any one of them would be efficacious.
Nevertheless, I cannot help thinking that if we would put an
improved breed of polliwogs in our drinking water, construct
shallower roadways, groom the street cows, offer the stranger
within our gates a free choice between the poniard and the potion,
and relinquish our private system of morals, the other measures of
public safety would be needless.
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