"
She burst into tears. "This," said she, "is worse than all. Shall
we receive good from the hand of the Lord, and shall we not receive
evil?"
But seeing that I was in that sullen and untameable state of mind, she
did not venture to renew the subject.
As soon as I was able to quit my room, I had a long conversation with
my father, who, though deeply concerned for my happiness, said he was
quite certain that any attempt at reconciliation would be useless. He
therefore proposed two plans, and I might adopt whichever was the most
likely to divert my mind from my heavy affliction. The first was, to
ask his friends at the Admiralty to give me the command of a sloop
of war; the second, that I should go upon the continent, and, having
passed a year there, return to England, when there was no knowing what
change of sentiment time and absence might not produce in my favour.
"For," said he, "there is one very remarkable difference in the heart
of a man and of a woman. In the first, absence is very often a cure
for love. In the other, it more frequently cements and consolidates
it. In your absence, Emily will dwell on the bright parts of your
character, and forget its blemishes. The experiment is worth making,
and it is the only way which offers a chance of success."
I agreed to this. "But," said I, "as the war with France is now over,
and that with America will be terminated no doubt very shortly, I
have no wish to put you to the expense, or myself to the trouble, of
fitting out a sloop of war in time of peace, to be a pleasure-yacht
for great lords and ladies, and myself to be neither more or less than
a _maitre d'hotel_: and, after having spent your money and mine, and
exhausted all my civilities, to receive no thanks, and hear that I
am esteemed at Almack's only 'a tolerable sea brute enough.
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