But time, reflection, the conversation and
society of my uncle and his select friends, the care of my infant, and
the reading of many excellent books had wrought a great change in my
sentiments. Having once tasted the pleasures of society among virtuous
women, I vowed to Heaven that no future act of mine should ever drive
me from it. The past could not be recalled; but the future was my own.
"I took the sacrament after a long and serious course of reading;
and, having made my vows at the altar, with the help of God, they are
unchangeable. Dramatic works, the pernicious study and poison of my
youthful ardent mind, I have long since discarded; and I had resolved
never to see you again, until after your marriage with Miss Somerville
had been solemnised. Start not! By the simplest and easiest means
I have known all your movements--your dangers, your escapes, your
undaunted acts of bravery and self-devotion for the sake of others.
"'Shall I then,' said I to myself, 'blast the prospects of the man
I love--the father of my boy? Shall I, to gratify the poor, pitiful
ambition of becoming the wife of him, to whom I once was the mistress,
sacrifice thus the hopes and fortune of himself and family, the reward
of a virtuous maiden?' In all this I hope you will perceive a proper
share of self-denial. Many, many floods of bitter tears of repentance
and regret have I shed over my past conduct; and I trust, that what
I have suffered and what I shall suffer, will be received as my
atonement at the Throne of Grace.
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