A quickened circulation of blood, a fear of immediate death, and a
still greater fear of shame, forced me to an involuntary and frequent
change of position; and it required some time, and the best powers of
intellect, to reason myself into that frame of mind in which I could
feel as safe and as unconcerned as if we had been in harbour. To this
state I at last did attain, and soon felt ashamed of the perturbation
under which I had laboured before the firing began. I prayed, it is
true: but my prayer was not that of faith, of trust, or of hope--I
prayed only for safety from imminent personal danger; and my orisons
consisted of one or two short, pious ejaculations, without a thought
of repentance for the past or amendment for the future.
But when we had once got fairly into action, I felt no more of
this, and beheld a poor creature cut in two by a shot with the same
indifference that at any other time I should have seen a butcher kill
an ox. Whether my heart was bad or not, I cannot say; but I certainly
felt my curiosity was gratified more than my feelings were shocked
when a raking shot killed seven and wounded three more. I was sorry
for the men, and, for the world, would not have injured them; but
I had a philosophic turn of mind; I liked to judge of causes and
effects; and I was secretly pleased at seeing the effect of a raking
shot.
Towards four P.M. the firing began to abate, the smoke cleared away,
and the calm sea became ruffled with an increasing breeze.
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