Dan did not spare himself that afternoon, and yet beneath all the self
scorn he felt, there was a deeper sub-conscious conviction, that he was
not--at heart--guilty of the thing with which he charged himself. This
very conviction, though felt but dimly, made him rage the more. He had
the hopeless feeling of one caught in a trap--of one convicted of a
crime of which in the eyes of the law he was guilty, but which he knew
he had unwittingly committed.
The big fellow in so closely analyzing the woman's thoughts and feelings,
and in taking so completely her point of view, neglected himself. He
could not realize how true to _himself_ he had been that afternoon, or
how truly the impulse that had prompted him to deny his calling was an
instinct of his own strong manhood--the instinct to be accepted or
rejected for what he was within himself, rather than for the mere
accident of his calling and position in life.
One thing was clear, he must see Miss Farwell again. She must listen to
his explanation and apology. She must somehow understand. For apart from
his interest in the young woman herself, there was that purpose of the
minister to win her to the church. It was a monstrous thought that he
himself should be the means of strengthening her feeling against the
cause to which he had given his life. So he had gone to Judge Strong's
home early that evening determined to see her. But at the gate, when he
saw Dr. Harry turning in as if to stop, he had passed on in the dusk.
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